This is what happened to me this afternoon:
Old Man in supermarket: You're a big girl. Tall girl.
Me: Don't be rude. Fuck off. Don't do that. Would you say
that to a man?
Old Man: No because he'd knock me down.
Me: Then why say it to a woman?
Old Man: You're a bitch woman. A bitch and a slag.
(I walk away as it is - for some reason - unacceptable to
punch old men.)
That’s the third time in a week an old man has accosted a
woman about her appearance that I’ve experienced. The first time was an old man
in a hospital outpatients department. She was a nurse, her job is to care for people
so she had to put up with "You’re an attractive women. You’re a very attractive
woman" and on and on.
The other time, a young woman came out of the Tube as I was
walking by, stopped for just a moment to sort out her phone and an old man appeared
as if out of nowhere “Are you a model? You look like a model” and so on (she
didn’t, she was way too short). Was he lurking, waiting for a woman, any woman, or did he just see her and jump in?
Is it supposed to be cute that old men do this? Is it
supposed to be a sign that there’s life in the old dog yet? Should we be
flattered that someone old enough to be our dad or grandad wants to fuck us –
because, let’s face it – that’s what men accosting women in the street really
mean even if they’re too old to remember the last time and they have not one
single viable sperm left.
Often when I get comments I just ignore them. Yes, I am very
tall but I still wouldn’t feel safe challenging a man unless there were plenty
of people around me, unless I thought I could run faster than him or unless he
was really old and feeble. Just because
women don’t say anything doesn’t mean we like it, it just means we know it’s
safer to walk away.
Do really old men suddenly get it in their heads to start
talking to women about their bodies or have they been doing it all their lives –
or at least wanting to and now think they can get away with it? This kind of
male privilege and intrusive, abusive behaviour doesn’t come in the post with
the pension book and bus pass.
I tweeted about the woman outside the Tube and some man replied
that it was ‘just biology’ as if humans in general and men in particular are
just a bundle of instincts that we can’t be expected to control, as if we have
no choice at all. A bunch of women then piled on and he soon
shut up.
Yes, these were three very small incidents but they happened
in quick succession, they happen all the time. In some ways it’s no easier
seeing it happen to someone else because you know your turn is coming.
So. Don’t. Just don’t. Not even if you're young. Not at any age. Do not talk about my body even if you
think height is a neutral, non-sexual thing to talk about. It isn’t. Show some
respect and listen to what we tell you. And what we tell you is: don’t.